


Grey

by ceocrispystrips



Series: The Butterfly Effect: This is Now [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Manipulation, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, haikyuu boys being in love with tsukishima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29387550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceocrispystrips/pseuds/ceocrispystrips
Summary: Tsukishima Kei's world is built upon a strict set of rules. First rule ever written: Use or be used.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Kyoutani Kentarou/Tsukishima Kei, Tendou Satori/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Other(s)
Series: The Butterfly Effect: This is Now [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194380
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Grey

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this one is pretty short but i'll make longer chapters eventually + this is not exactly beta read,, but i hope you enjoy!

Kei remembers when Hinata told him orange was his favorite color. He doesn't remember the exact day, it might've been summer - or winter perhaps, but he does remember that Hinata asked what was his favorite color. 

"But grey is such a sad color!" and Kei also remembers that for the first time since he met his annoying little friend, he didn't say anything back. Perhaps grey was and is still a sad color, but that made Kei happy. It was his favorite color. 

Grey was the color of his grandma's hair when he last saw her, few days before she died. She told him, never fulfill your dreams and you'll be truly happy. 

What a stupid woman he thought, if fulfilling your dreams does not bring you happiness, what will?

Akashi Keiji had asked about his dreams one time, when the rain was pouring heavily and yet they were outside. Kei remained silent, not wanting to disturb this perfectly imperfect moment. This memory that he will later on in life treasure more than anything else, he did not want to stain it with his dreams. 

Dreams of snake like eyes and being constantly on the run - running, running and running, never looking back, not even knowing what he was running for or if he was running towards something. 

Dreams that later on turned into nightmare and nightmare became reality and reality became a dream all over again.

\--------

When Kei was 8 years old he fell from a tree. His brother was cleaning up his wounds while his mother lectured him on how actions have consequences. "If you didn't want to fall why climb the tree in the first place? There's only one way where you can go when you're up, and that is down."

Back then he tried to ignore his worried mother as much as he could, but little did he know that those words were going to become the base he built his little world around.

And his world consisted of many things, of red hair and eerie smiles, of empty packs of cigarettes and whispers that weren't meant to be heard. 

Kei had built his world around multiple things he'd witnessed at a way too young age, starting with: use or be used.

He had learned that when he first met Kyoutani Kentarou. He still remembers the way someone was staring holes into the back of his neck and when he turned around and met his eyes, all Kei thought was if you didn't want to fall why climb the tree in the first place? 

"Is that Shiratorizawa's middle blocker jersey? The creepy one?" Kyoutani does not ask about his dino figurines his mother got him, does not mock him, he doesn't say anything about the stars on his ceiling or little drawings on the wall he and Yamaguchi did when they were younger. He only asks about the jersey one of the many boys that visited his room had left. 

"Yes." Simple answer. No hidden meaning. And for someone as simple minded as Kyoutani, he wouldn't look any further into his response. Either way, he probably had an idea of why it was sitting so casually on his chair, so out of place, messy, different from everything in his room. 

He sat awkwardly, not starting a conversation or inspecting his room more. He just stood there, waiting. Kyoutani was visibly struggling, wanting, but it seemed like a crime to want something that you knew could never be yours. Kei was not making things easier either, he was expecting and wanting just as much - or more. He was waiting for that something in Kyoutani's eyes that told him 'this is not the Kyoutani that asked if he's busy this weekend, this is Mad Dog from the practice game that almost broke the floor'. 

And Kei loved rain. He loved late fall evenings when the rain was pouring heavily, but he was not ready for the storm Kyoutani bought him. It was something different from the first time he was ever truly hurt, it felt like he took something away from him. 

"We were never meant to be", he said and Kei wondered when and why and how exchanging saliva occasionally and blowing off steam grew into something more. Grew into "us", grew into "we are" and when did it turn into "never meant to be".

An act of robbery would've hurt less. You don't know the person who's robbing you, you don't know what kind of life they live and what struggles they face, but Kyoutani knew. And Kei knew. They both knew. And yet Kei was robbed and Kyoutani did not gain anything. 

But he learned. He learned to keep his bag close to him, that way he won't be robbed, or at least the chances would be lower. He learned to never want again. You can't take without having something taken from you as well. 

\-------

Kei remembered. Grey was a sad color. He somehow found himself attracted to sad things. Whether this was a curse or a blessing he'd have to find out later, but for now all he knew is that at one point, he started seeing grey everywhere. 

But grey was happiness for him, grey was comfort. The complete opposite of red. Red was bold and bright and Tendou. 

Tendou was interesting to say at the least. He was Kei's first 'use' not 'be used'. And perhaps back then he didn't know what he was doing, he didn't know what use meant, he didn't know that there is not that big of a difference between use and want and he swore to never want again and he also knew what use meant, but he fell in love with the idea that he was not a bad person, just bad things happened to him. Which was not a lie, it was an explanation but not an excuse. 

Therefore, when he met Satori outside of the gym, after their game he saw an opportunity. To test his limits. To see when the rope would burn. 

"Well, well. You don't look like someone who just won a big game." It ached. His hand ached. He knew that was bound to happen, an injury of this sort, after all Ushijima was like a cannon. And even though he knew, his hand still ached. 

So he hummed. Not knowing what to say. There was nothing to say. And Satori only stared for a little while, trying to do what he does best, guessing that is. And Kei had to admit, the man was brilliant. But he was stupid for looking so much into this when the answer was right in front of him. 

"I'll see you around, I think." Probably not. He was a third year and now that they lost, there's no way they can go to nationals, so meeting again was out of the question. But Kei knew what he meant. He knew Satori knew all of this as well and that's why he asked for a lighter and left without giving it back. 

Weeks later, they were hanging around his room, staring at the stars on the ceiling.

Kei saw red. He was staring into pools of blood and he didn't mind one bit, in fact he dived right in and remembered Kyoutani. Remembered "we are not meant to be" and remembered that after all this time his hand was still aching and perhaps he made the wrong choice, because the next time he would see Satori he didn't see red, he saw grey. 

And Kei could only wonder if grey had a different meaning now and could only hope it was anything but a permanent change.

**Author's Note:**

> hi y'all!! thanks for taking your time to read and if you'd like to comment i would very much appreciate it. i plan to make a series about tsukishima's harem basically and it's gonna be hella angst and stupid teenagers being in love


End file.
